Royal Trend Watch: SHOOTIES

There's a trend that's been brewing among royal ladies. I've been loathe to declare it as such, but after today...I think I have to. And I will do so while banging my head on my desk, because this trend is the new bane of my existence.

The SHOOTIE. I'm sorry to go all caps-locky on you, but I think it's warranted. A ridiculous word, a ridiculous look. Why, please tell me why, would you voluntarily cut your legs off? Can't we all unite in the pursuit of a nice long leg line?

Crown Princess Victoria's one and only appearance that came close to making my Top 10 Worst of 2010 list, and it's all because of the SHOOTIE.

Letizia's a fan. I have to say, if this was going to look good on anyone, it would probably be Letizia based on the wee size of her legs, but no. You will notice how she wears them with matching tights, thus negating the whole SHOOTIE effect in the first place, though that little trick still doesn't erase the mistake of that cherry red number.

I saw this today on Laurentien, and my concern increased. That's a distracting dress (I mean, what's going on around the shoulders?), but you still can't hide the SHOOTIES. You know how these Dutch princesses are. This is bound to be only the tip of the SHOOTIE iceberg.

But nothing, NOTHING, can possibly top this in terms of sheer SHOOTIE horror:

The Estonian state visit to Sweden has brought a whole host of interesting sartorial appearances, courtesy of the Estonian First Lady there. Wrestle your attention away from the headgear for a moment. I know, it's impossible (oh LORD is it ever impossible), but move your eyes in a downward direction. Before you have a heart attack, know that Queen Silvia's not pulling a Letizia here, that's just static cling wreaking havoc on her skirt. She saved her Letizia move for the feet.

A double SHOOTIE appearance. I'm still trying to recover from the horror. If this phenomenon has made it's way from wannabe fashionable princesses to the realm of queens, I'm afraid we have a real problem on our hands. I'm thinking of starting a petition. (I'm also thinking of starting a Worst of 2011 list for those accompanying royals based solely on the sartorial wonder that is the Estonian First Lady, but that's another story.) Who's with me?

Photos: Huffington Post/Daylife/PPE/vdWerf

Royal Trend Watch: Safety Woes

Here's a lil' tidbit about yours truly: I'm an interior designer. My particular job involves developing the aesthetics of large buildings, offices and such. What I'm saying is this: I spend a significant amount of my time mucking about construction sites and the like.

Why am I bothering you with this information? Because I want you to know, when I say this, that it comes from deep personal experience:

There is no way to make construction hard hats and safety gear look good. Mette-Marit, I sympathize.

Let me tell you, there's nothing worse than having your style smashed by safety requirements. (Well, alright, there's a whole lot out there that's worse than that. But my world is small and shallow.) High heels are not encouraged in these environments, which is blasphemous. And I'm not even going to get into what these things do to your hair.

Poor royals. Factories, construction sites, you name it: many have tried to rock their safety gear....

...all have failed. A most unfortunate royal trend.

But, hey, I think Mette-Marit's come up with the first step to combating the woes of safety wear:

If your scarf is big enough, it'll cover everything else. Someone needs to tell Letizia.

Photos: Corbis/ANP

Royal Trend Watch: Máxima's Other Twin

NATAN's fashions, as we know, run unfortunately amok among the ladies of the Benelux royal houses.  We've seen Princess Máxima play the twin game with Luxembourg's Princess Alexandra - on the same day, even - and now we're moving on to her other twin, Princess Mathilde.

Mathilde, today:

Máxima, two days ago (she's carrying a tan cardigan, even):

At least Mathilde wasn't wearing black tights with brown shoes.  (Seriously, Máx?)

You'd think their stylists or dressers would pay attention to this.  I mean, it's happened before:

And surely it will happen again.  Until next time, ladies...

Photos: Belga/Albert Nieboer/Eric Vidal

Royal Trend Watch: Clothes Swap Edition

Eagle-eyed royal watchers (and Svenskdam, too) caught a few dresses that looked a little familiar at Crown Princess Victoria's wedding and associated celebrations....

Friend Anna Ek donned a couple of the Crown Princess's old gowns, while Daniel's sister borrowed another.  The added embellishment on the pink neckline and green waist is the same.

Can I just tell you how much I love Victoria giving out her old dresses to her friends?  Seriously.  I'm not surprised: this is the woman that once wrote her love 30 letters for 30 days they'd be separated.  (If you need to watch Daniel's wedding speech again - and, really, you do - here ya go.)  I like her so much.  I don't really understand the need to add the cheesy looking glitter to the pink and green dresses, but whatever.  So sweet.

We may not get many opportunities to witness royal ladies lending out clothes to friends, but we have seen our fair share of inter-family loans:

Sweden's Princess Birgitta loaned an old outfit to her daughter-in-law Nicole for Victoria's wedding. 

I think I might have at least sprung for a different jacket, so the loan would be a little less obvious.  I wouldn't want to foster too many comparisons with Birgitta, but that's just me (and just mean.  I'm sure she's a lovely person!).

Princess Nathalie of Sayn-Wittgenstein-Berleberg (left) borrowed one of her sister Princess Alexandra's old maternity gowns for Queen Margrethe's 70th birthday celebrations.

Sisters always share.  (Especially when they look exactly alike - Nathalie was the pregnant one, and that was the only way I can tell them apart.  What will I do now she's had the baby?)  Plus, this just makes sense - nobody wants to buy a whole new wardrobe they won't be able to wear next month, let alone 9 from now.  Hell, the same box of borrowed maternity clothes has been making the rounds in my circle of friends for a couple years now.

Princess Martha Louise wears a dress belonging to her mother, Queen Sonja.

I can't imagine wearing any of my mother's clothes.  That would never, ever happen.  Maybe I'd change my mind if my mother had a closet full of designer duds.

Grand Duchess Maria Teresa has loaned clothes to her daughter-in-law Princess Tessy more than once; the teal outfit she wore to Felipe and Letizia's wedding was seen on Tessy at the National Day 2008 celebrations, as was a black and white evening gown.  National Day 2009 saw Tessy wearing a fascinator first worn by Maria Teresa at Tessy's wedding.

Once again, I am loving the sentiment here: Maria Teresa seems to have gone out of her way to welcome Tessy to the family, even if she did enter in a most unconventional way (as an unmarried 20 year old, she gave birth to the then-19 year old Prince Louis's baby, if you're not up on your Luxembourg scandals).  It's especially lovely given that tales of tension between MT and her own mother-in-law still circulate even now that Grand Duchess Joséphine-Charlotte has passed away.  But once again I question the execution: these are two very different sized ladies, and the same clothes do not suit them both.  The added fabric on the bottom of the evening gown is particularly clumsy.

For the wedding of Prince Pieter-Christiaan in 2005, Princess Mabel wore the same dress that her mother-in-law Queen Beatrix wore when announcing her engagement to Prince Claus in 1965.

Pay attention, now, because this might be the only time I ever compliment Mabel's sense of style on this blog: I love this, absolutely and without reservation.  I love the gesture of wearing a dress with such a significant history, I love what it says about the relationship between these two women, and I love the dress itself.  There are few periods in fashion history that can be repeated without looking completely dated, and this dress falls into one of them.

I would love to see more of this, done just like Mabel (once again, probably the only time I will ever say that).  There should be more reasons to preserve royal clothes than just for future museum display.  Couldn't you picture Crown Princess Mary in some of the 1960s sheath dresses sported by then-Crown Princess Margrethe, or one of Queen Silvia's daughters digging out some of the amazing gowns she's donned for Nobel ceremonies past?  Or am I nuts, and we should always wish for fortunes large enough to bring us new couture, all the time?  (I wish for both, just to be clear.)

Photos: Getty Images/PPE/Corbis

Royal Trend Watch: World Cup Finale Edition

So, earlier in the course of this World Cup bonanza, I recommended a round of team scarves as a path for success.   I was right, hmm?

First up, the road to the final:

Willem-Alexander once again sported his orange best, and this time he brought along Máxima for an extra boost of orange.  Not only did Máxima douse herself in the country's favorite color, she also sported a brooch of the Netherlands flag.

Queen Sofia did the same, lending her support to Spain in the semi-final looking elegant in team red and she also did us the favor of providing us with this hilarious video, in which the delicious Spanish team tries in vain to tidy the locker room for their Queen.  Adorable.

I think Sofia's set a new royal protocol standard here, with the photo-ops among dirty socks and empty beer cans, the greeting of shirtless toweled players and all the kisses and hugs from the winning team.

And then, the Big Finale:

For the final match, you have to bring out your big guns, and Máxima did it in the sparkliest way possible.  Rare is the sporting event for which an evening suit is appropriate, but leave it to my favorite little magpie to find one.  She looks fabulous, even if this is a terribly messy hair situation.

Big guns for Spain meant doubling up the royal support, as Letizia and Felipe joined forces with the Queen.  And Letizia doubled up on her scarves. (Why? What temperature was it in South Africa?)  And she looked underdressed, again.  Sigh.

But it worked, I guess, because Spain won the prize and once again we got an adorable photo opportunity out of it:

Aww.   I don't think those wee princesses know how lucky they are, hanging out with Iker Casillas.  These two are darn near the best dressed of the royal World Cup in their little jerseys.  Somebody should have lent one to their mom so she wouldn't have to repeat her outfits so quickly, though.  And so she could have been red like everyone else, right?

While I scurry off to figure out when the next international sporting event worthy of my obsession will occur, tell me: who was your best dressed royal at the World Cup?


Photos: Daylife/Terra/Getty Images Europe/Zimbio

Royal Trend Watch: Elephant Parade Edition

In this month's "Not Your Typical Royal Event" news...

The Elephant Parade must be one of the most curious charitable events I've ever heard of.  Artists put their own mark on elephant sculptures, which are then put on display and are later auctioned off to benefit endangered elephants.  I have so many questions about this. 

Who buys these elephants?  Is there a whole rash of London gardens filled with oversize pachyderm sculptures?  And how did so many royals get involved?

Actually, I know the answer to that last question.  Camilla's brother, sister and daughter are all involved with the Elephant Family charity, as is the Duchess of York and Lady Annabel Goldsmith (dear friend of Princess Michael of Kent).  So, naturally, a whole mess of royals showed up to parade themselves for the good of the elephants; and bless them, they made sure to match the curiousness of their outfits to the curiousness of the elephants on parade.  An elephant trend has run amok through the Windsor family.  So very many questions:

Charles, did you pose by the shiny black elephant just so your tux wouldn't look so out of place?  Better showing than the rest of the family, I suppose....

Are we channeling the elephant's natural habitat here, with the Asian-inspired getup?  Usually I like these outfits on Camilla, but I think she might have forgotten to take the wind into consideration here.  This makes me nervous, as does....

This.  Talk about a wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen.  Eugenie, are you afraid to stand up straight, lest you reveal uncoordinated underpants?  Have you decided to rely on the photographer's sense of decency to preserve your dignity?  Because that is not going to work out for you.  Neither are those shoes.  And Beatrice, those yellow strings (ribbons?) on the front of your dress - why?  This confuses me.

Of course, Eugenie is equally capable of confusing me, as at the launch party for the event back in March she saw fit to throw a random flower into her hair to cap off an otherwise biker babe ensemble. Why?  Though I suppose if there was any event for which a leather princess outfit would have been appropriate it would have been the one at which this occurred.....

Presented without comment.

Princess Michael, of course, had to prove herself the most puzzling of them all:

Are those elastic pants, or just pants designed to look like they might have an elastic waist?  And which case is worse?  Also, we're just coming off this gem of an outfit:

Seen in Zurich, and apparently attributed to the weather there.  So now the weather in London is also at fault?  I can't imagine what sort of meteorological condition prompts one to dress up like the second coming of Madame Cleo, so I have to ask - are we entering a fortune teller phase of dress?  (I really, really hope we are, friends.  Oh, what fun we'll have.)

Photos:  Pool/Indigo/Getty Images/WPA Pool/Fiona Hanson/Daniel Demme/Wenn.com/Belga/Stuart Wilson/Dave M. Benett

Royal Trend Watch: Twin Edition

Princess Máxima, today:

Luxembourg's Princess Alexandra, also today:

WHOOPS.  What's more embarassing, the fact that Alexandra is 20 years younger than Máxima, or the fact that this is the dress they both chose?

It's NATAN, by the way, in case you hadn't guessed.

(Much more commentary on this....outfit...to come when we run through our awards for Luxembourg's National Day celebrations, to be posted as soon as all the pics are in!)

Photos: PPE/Buys/Nieboer

Royal Trend Watch: World Cup Fever Edition

I wonder how many royals cursed silently when they received Crown Princess Victoria's wedding invitation and discovered the mandatory event was scheduled smack damn in the middle of the World Cup. "Well, I'm dashed!" they said as they clutched their pearls and gasped. (Royals should always swear like Colonel Pickering in My Fair Lady, don’t you think?)  Surely some of them are the sort to prefer a bit of football over getting all fancied up, right?

Or maybe, dashing from home to South Africa to Sweden and back, they were just glad for a reason to show off their patriotic sartorial flare. Plus, think of the frequent flyer miles.

First up, we saw Princes Frederik and Willem-Alexander at the Denmark/Netherlands match. Clearly, Fred didn’t get the team spirit memo. Maybe that’s why Denmark lost. Willem-Alexander, on the other hand, orange-d himself to his princely max. Is there anybody in Holland that doesn’t like orange? Is that, like, grounds for denied citizenship?

 Letizia brought her ubiquitous khaki trench coat along for her pre-wedding stop to cheer on Spain vs. Switzerland.  This scarf-n-safari look is so typical of her, it barely counts that the scarf is kinda red. (They are in South Africa, maybe she actually was going on safari afterwards? One can only hope.) Felipe took half a page from W-A’s book with his snazzy red tie, but overall, it was clearly not a colorful enough appearance by the couple, as Spain lost 0-1.

Eugenie kicked off the Windsors’ ode to England at Trooping the Colour, and William and Harry finished it out in South Africa. Since the British royal family’s insistence on ignoring important foreign royal events by sending the fewest (and lowest on the totem pole) acceptable members is still well intact, William and Harry were content to stick around in South Africa and football it up. (Boo, by the way, Queen Liz. I know you all are very busy, but come on. You’re not even that far away from your European cousins. For the love of Jimmy Choo, send us some more bling next time.)  Their royal twin appearance didn't help, though:  the English team got booed off the field after their 0-0 draw against Algeria.

Undeterred, the brothers took their team ties to an event supporting England's bid for the 2018 World Cup:

Why yes, I am just including that picture for the eye candy.  Gotta love sporty princes hanging out with dashing athletes.  That's the best part of the royals catching World Cup fever, isn't it?

2014 World Cup recommendation:  team scarves for everyone!


Pictures: Pacificcoastnews.com/Jamie McDonald/Luca Ghidoni/Daylife

Royal Trend Watch: Prison Break Edition

So, there was this:

 Victoria at one of Margrethe's 60th Birthday Celebrations

And then there was this:

 Maria Theresa, earlier this week

And now......this:

Sophie, at Garter Day today

There's a part of me that's really hoping this is just some kind of meta-statement on the perils of a life lived inside the royal fish bowl, and not some sort of new trend, because on what planet is this a good idea?  Is it not universally known that horizontal stripes are perilously unflattering? 

It's depressing either way you look at it.

Photos: Belga/Patrick van Katwijk/Photo Pool/Anwar Hussein Collection/WENN.com